This past week has been a hard one for me. I’ve beat myself
up a lot. I’ve called myself stupid and ugly and unmotivated. And although for
the most part I’ve been kidding. A small teensy weensy part of me was serious.
For nerds like me school is really important. In fact, it’s
one of the only things we’re good at. And when someone tells you that you’re
not good at it—well, it totally kills your self-esteem. Hell it throws that
thing on the floor, spits on it, and squishes it slowly with a shoe covered in
old chewed cinnamon flavored gum. Ugh.
I have been basically told my entire life that I’m a smart
kid. Get enough positive reinforcement and eventually you start to believe it.
But during my junior year of high school everything changed. I had to work
harder for the grades I was used to getting easily. I wasn’t getting any positive
feedback. I didn’t feel like my teachers were paying attention to me. The way
that they treated me made me feel inadequate. So much so, that eventually I also
started to believe that.
This feeling has continued throughout college. And although I
usually just brush it off with a joke, it’s come back in full force this past
When my insecurity explodes like this it affects my whole
life. I stop working out and I start
eating unhealthily. I snap at people who don’t deserve it. And of course those
bad things just seem to make everything worse. It’s a catch 22 in the worst
This time around, I’ve learned a lot about myself as a
consequence. Obviously, I’m a very sensitive person. And, as much as I try to
deny it, the opinions of others matter to me. But I’ve also learned that I can
be a positive force. A force that stops a week full of self-deprecating
behavior before it gets out of hand.
There are a lot of people that go to MC. I am sure that I am
not the only who feels this way. So, with this goodbye blog, let me try to give
you one last piece of advice. When something goes wrong, try not to beat
yourself up about it. Take a step back and look at the positive side. Remind
yourself of what is really important. Are you alive? Are you happy? I can
almost guarantee you that this seemingly gigantic problem will look less than
minuscule ten years from now.
With that, I bid you adieu.
Tiffany’s Magical Monday Music Selection:
Some things are just more important.
Latinoamérica by Calle 13